Jokes other sites are gonna copy and paste off here!

[gerry]

I joined a speed dating sight for over 70 called pass the parcel.

 

[BC]

I thought I had arthritis, so I saw the doctor. Turns out it's early-onset rigor mortis.

 

[Monty]

 

[Monty]

Imagine being a referee and having to look at that for 90 minutes!

 

[BC]

For me, it's always hard talking to a pretty woman. But then she notices, and it goes soft again.

 

[gerry]

Best way to talk to a pretty woman is turn your back to them then at least you wont notice them walking away.

 

[BC]

Today, I was almost scammed out of £1,000. I was on the phone and about to hand over my bank details when, at the last second, I recognised my daughter's voice.



Cr. Brian Kiley

 

[BC]

Well! That's the absolute last time I'm going to donate blood.

All the bloody questions: Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket?



Cr. Rory Donaldson


P.S. I'll be taking a bit of a break from the forum. In the words of Antarctic explorer Captain Oates, I may be some time.

 

[Cotswolder]

Two cannibals were sat eating a clown and one turns to the other, and says "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"

 

[markfinn]

The Librarian: A man asks for a book about small penises, and when the librarian says it's not in yet, he replies that's the one.

 

[markfinn]

For several years, a man was having an affair with a woman abroad. One night, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his marriage or reputation, he gave her a large sum of money to move away and raise the child, promising child support until the kid turned 18.
He asked how he would know when the baby was born. She said she would simply mail him a postcard and write the word "spaghetti" on the back.
About nine months later, the man came home to his wife. she said, "you received a very strange postcard today.
He turned white, grabbed the card, and read:
Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti — one with meatballs, two without

 

[markfinn]

What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4:45 pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.