• Hi Guest Just in case you were not aware I wanted to highlight that you can now get a free 7 day trial of Horseracebase here.
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Jokes other sites are gonna copy and paste off here!

You know you need a new girlfriend when you're watching "Ted"... the supermarket checkout scene when he squirts hand wash all over his face and she says "what was that?"...

funny how one of us has just got Ted on the TV... :lol:
 
This guy is being treated really badly by the media - after all, he fixed it for my best mate to milk a cow - blindfolded!
 

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Apple to introduce new product for 2013

Apple announced today that they have developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from £3000 to £5000, depending on cup and speaker size.

This development is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
 
The PM faces a potential embarrassment after it emerged the Rail Minister Simon Burns takes a £80,000 a year chauffeured car to work rather than the train.
But in his defence, the poor guy probably just couldn't afford the fares
 
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with
their nine children. A blind man joins them. When the
bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife
and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the
husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while,
the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the cane of
the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies,
"If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
 
True Story :lol:

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said,"F.... You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.
 
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