• Hi Guest, The forum will be moving hosts on 26 July and as such will be closed from Midday until the move has completed.
    As we will be with new hosts it may take a while before DNS get updated so it could take while before you can get back on the forum.
    I think it will take at least 4 hours but could easily be 48!
    Ark Royal
  • There seems to be a problem with some alerts not being emailed to members. I have told the hosts and they are investigating.
  • Sorry for the ongoing issues that you may have been experiencing whilst using the forum lately

    It really is frustrating when the forum slows down or Server Error 500 pops up.

    Apparently the hosts acknowledge there is a problem.
    Thank you for using our services and sorry for the experienced delay!
    Unfortunately, these errors are due to a higher server load. Our senior department knows about the issue and they are working towards a permanent resolution of the issue, however, I'd advise you to consider using our new cPanel cloud solutions: https://www.tsohost.com/web-hosting


    I will have to investigate what the differences are with what We have know compared to the alternative service they want us to migrate to.
    Keep safe.
    AR

Jokes other sites are gonna copy and paste off here!

You know you need a new girlfriend when you're watching "Ted"... the supermarket checkout scene when he squirts hand wash all over his face and she says "what was that?"...

funny how one of us has just got Ted on the TV... :lol:
 
I went to the bank to ask for a loan. The Banker said "Tell me your annual income, grossly?"

So I said "About £20,000, you fat, ugly, smelly cunt."
 

synikal

Colt
This guy is being treated really badly by the media - after all, he fixed it for my best mate to milk a cow - blindfolded!
 

Attachments

synikal

Colt
Apple to introduce new product for 2013

Apple announced today that they have developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from £3000 to £5000, depending on cup and speaker size.

This development is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
 

ArkRoyal

Administrator
The PM faces a potential embarrassment after it emerged the Rail Minister Simon Burns takes a £80,000 a year chauffeured car to work rather than the train.
But in his defence, the poor guy probably just couldn't afford the fares
 

amalthea

Colt
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with
their nine children. A blind man joins them. When the
bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife
and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the
husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while,
the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the cane of
the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies,
"If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
 

mlmrob

Sire
True Story :lol:

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said,"F.... You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.
 

Celticshadow

Yearling
The wife left a note on the fridge. "It's not working anymore, I can't take it anymore, I've gone to stay at my mum's."


I opened the fridge, the light came on and my beer was cold...............fuck knows what she was on about.
 
when selling your shit on ebay, get educated about angles and mirrors. Or wear panties at all times :clap:


Code:
https://twitter.com/madebyelves/status/290873307639709697/photo/1
 
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