• Hi Guest Just in case you were not aware I wanted to highlight that you can now get a free 7 day trial of Horseracebase here.
    We have a lot of members who are existing users of Horseracebase so help is always available if needed, as well as dedicated section of the fourm here.
    Best Wishes
    AR

Jokes other sites are gonna copy and paste off here!

A woman and a baby went to the pediatrician. The doctor examined
the baby, checked his weight, and slightly concerned, asked if the baby
was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," the woman replied.

"Would you strip down to your waist please," asked the doctor?

The doctor pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby
is underweight, you don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm happy I came."
 
Manchester City have announced that Abu Qatada is their new manager. A spokesman for the club said his record for staying in Europe is excellent.
 
I was watching TV when my wife sat down beside me, stroked my cock through my jeans and whispered, "Fancy a fuck?"



I said, "You're after something..."



"No I'm not," she protested.



"Yes you are," I said. "You're after Match of the Day. Come back in an hour."
 
Some women like flowers, others like something a little more sexy, so I've combined the two.

Hope my wife likes her daffodildo.
 
hF33418C4
 
I popped into the 'Wonga' shop next door to borrow a pen.

I've got to give them seventy pens back by the end of the week.
 
Code: 
http://angryofislington.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/how-arsene-buys-players.jpg


How Arsene Wenger buys players


tried to insert image but it went all huge on me.


by angryofislington
 
A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.
"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. ".......Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and G-d will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies. "G-d will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support the children?"
"Don't worry, sir, G-d will provide," replies the fiance.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that G-d will provide.
Later that evening the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"
The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm G-d."
 
how come every man wants to get the the knickers off every woman(almost) he meets
but how dare you go near my daughter
 
since the start of the year, my mum has been texting me about a problem she believes my dad has. Short story is this; he works for the highways agency, traffic management, basically stop/go etc, basically a road worker. Anyway, for months, my mum has been texting me or talking to me about the fact she believes my dad has been stealing from his employer. I said I doubt he would but she was convinced.anyway, I went over to their house today to raise the issue as I didn't want to believe my dad would be stealing from his job as a road worker but when I got there, all the signs were there.
 
I regret following the instructions that said "toss in a salad"

Now I've got a lifetime ban from the local Harvester. :whistle:
 
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