• Hi Guest Just in case you were not aware I wanted to highlight that you can now get a free 7 day trial of Horseracebase here.
    We have a lot of members who are existing users of Horseracebase so help is always available if needed, as well as dedicated section of the fourm here.
    Best Wishes
    AR

Jokes other sites are gonna copy and paste off here!

Pat and Mike were doing some street repairs in front of a known house of ill repute in Boston. A Jewish Rabbi came walking down the street, looked the left, looked to right, and ducked into the house. Pat paused a bit from swinging his pick and said
"Mike...will you look at that! A man of the cloth, and going into a place like that in broad daylight!".
A bit later, a Baptist minister came down the street, looked to the left, looked to the right, and scurried into the house. Mike laid down his shovel, turned to Pat and said
"Pat! Are you seeing what I'm seeing? A man of the Church, and he's giving that place his custom!"
Just then, a Catholic Priest came down the street, looked to the left, looked to the right, and slipped into the bawdy house. Pat and Mike straightened up, removed their hats, and Mike says "Faith, and there must be somebody sick in there.";)
 
Sean was fishing and it started to rain, so he moved under the bridge for shelter. His pal McGinty saw him and called,
"Sean, me boy, are ye afeared of a few spots o' rain, now?"
Sean replied, "I'm not...the fish come here fer shelter.";)
 
Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room. Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! Oi'd recognize her anywhere!";)
 
Two Irishmen had filled a cart with hay and were driving it out of the field onto a narrow road and into the path of an oncoming car. The other driver jammed on his brakes just in time and swerved into the field they had just left.

"Thank the Lord," said one Irishman to the other.

"We only just got out of that field in time.";)​
 
“A Garda is driving down O’Connell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window of a shop. He parks the car and runs over to them.


He asks the first fella for his name and address. The man replies, ‘I’m Paddy O’Toole of no fixed abode.’


The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question.


He replies, ‘I’m Ben Riordain, and I live in the flat above Paddy!'” ;)
 
“Anto’s missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child.


When they arrived, the nurse asked, ‘How dilated is she, sir?’.


Anto replied, ‘Delighted? She’s over the fu*king moon!‘”;)
 
“‘Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where you’re ready there’.


‘Oh. You must be Irish‘, she replied. The man was evidently offended and responded, ‘The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume I’m Irish.


If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian?!’


‘No’ she replied. ‘But this is a newsagents…‘”;)
 
“An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each man’s freshly poured pint.


The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up another. The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out.


The Irishman reaches in, picks the fly out, holds it up close to his face and shouts, “Spit it out you little b*stard.””;)
 
Paddy & Mick are walking down the street Paddy falls down a hole Mick shouts "Is it dark down there?"
Mick replies " Don't know can't see..."

Paddy & Mick are rowing to America they get half way across th'Atlantic when Paddy says
"Mick I'm bored can we go home and do the other half tomorrow?"

Paddy & Mick are reading headstones in a graveyard
Mick shouts "Bugger me there's one here 152..."
Paddy says "Whats his name?"
Mick replies "Miles from London";)
 
Paddy: What's Frank's surname?
Mick: Frank who?

(foggy day)
Paddy: Is that the sun or the moon up there?
Mick: Don't ask me - I don't live around here.

(In pub... Mick has an empty glass).
Paddy: Do you want another?
Mick: No - why would I want two empty glasses?

Paddy: I'm thinking of becoming a blacksmith - here, have ye ever shoed a horse?
Mick: No, but I once told a donkey to feck off!;)
 
Paddy is off on holiday and asks his friend Mick if he wants some fags bringing back. "Yes please" says Mick "I'll have 200 Benson & hedges".

Paddy returns from his hols and hands Mick the fags he asked for "Oh cheers Paddy, how much do I owe yer?" "58 quid" Paddy replies... "F*ckin ell, where did you go?" asks Mick ...."Butlins!";)
 
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