• Hi Guest, The forum will be moving hosts on 26 July and as such will be closed from Midday until the move has completed.
    As we will be with new hosts it may take a while before DNS get updated so it could take while before you can get back on the forum.
    I think it will take at least 4 hours but could easily be 48!
    Ark Royal
  • There seems to be a problem with some alerts not being emailed to members. I have told the hosts and they are investigating.
  • Hi Guest Just in case you were not aware I wanted to highlight that you can now get a 20% discount on Inform Racing.
    Simply enter the coupon code ukbettingform when subscribing here.
    We have a lot of members who are existing users of Inform Racing so help is always available if needed.
    Best Wishes
    AR
  • Sorry for the ongoing issues that you may have been experiencing whilst using the forum lately

    It really is frustrating when the forum slows down or Server Error 500 pops up.

    Apparently the hosts acknowledge there is a problem.
    Thank you for using our services and sorry for the experienced delay!
    Unfortunately, these errors are due to a higher server load. Our senior department knows about the issue and they are working towards a permanent resolution of the issue, however, I'd advise you to consider using our new cPanel cloud solutions: https://www.tsohost.com/web-hosting


    I will have to investigate what the differences are with what We have know compared to the alternative service they want us to migrate to.
    Keep safe.
    AR

Jokes other sites are gonna copy and paste off here!

Delboy99

Mare

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...​


He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.


After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'


The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.


In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:


1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2) The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3) I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'


The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............' ;)
 

Delboy99

Mare

A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.​


At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: “*So how’s it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''

The patient, who’s been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, “*No. I’m afraid to*.”;)
 

Delboy99

Mare

A man receives a message from a neighbour.​


"Sorry sir I am using your wife...day and night... When you are not present at home...In fact, much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies." The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to the hospital

The next day he receives another message
"Sorry sir spelling mistake, it's not wife but wifi".;)
 

Delboy99

Mare

Pete was having a tough day at work...​


His boss was berating him for a simple mistake. His coworkers were irritable. Customers were condescending. The only thing getting him through the day was knowing that his new golf clubs were coming in the mail later that day. He finally gets to leave work and gets home. He cracks open his beer and swings his 9 iron knowing that in just 15 minutes he'd have new clubs in his hands. The mailman arrives, but he is empty handed.

Pete asks, "Where's my clubs?"

Mailman, "I don't have them?"

Pete, growing more irritated, "They were supposed to be delivered today!"

Mailman, "Haha, not my problem!"

In a fit of rage, Pete takes his 9 iron and beats the mailman to death. When the cops arrive, they ask Pete what happened.

"A sense of rage came over me and I went nuts on the mailman. I hit him a handful of times with my 9 iron"

Police, "How many times exactly?"

Pete, "I don't know, 6....7 times....Put me down for a 5";)
 

Delboy99

Mare

A junior in office dialled his boss's extension by mistake​


A junior in office dialled his boss's extension by mistake & said: "Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in 2 minutes."

Boss (shouting): "Do you know who you are talking to?"

Junior: "No!"

Boss: "I'm the BOSS!"

Junior (in same tone): "Do you know who you are talking to?">
Boss (puzzled): "No!"

Junior: "THANK GOD" (and disconnected);)
 
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