Jokes other sites are gonna copy and paste off here!
- Thread starter anonamouse
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markfinn
Sire
The Bullfight Dish: A tourist goes to a restaurant in Madrid and orders the special. It's delicious, so he comes back the next day for the same thing, but notices the portion is much smaller. He asks the waiter why. The waiter shrugs and says, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull he wins"
BC
Colt
I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said, with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum... you still awake?'
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said, with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum... you still awake?'
BC
Colt
A man goes to the doctor. "D-d-d-d-doctor, I've got a t-t-terrible s-t-t-t-..."
Doctor, "Stutter?"
"Y-y-y-yes," says the man.
"Get undressed, I need to examine you", says the doc. "My goodness, that's the biggest penis I've ever seen, and that's the problem. It's pulling on your vocal cords. We can replace it with a smaller penis, and you'll be fine."
So the operation goes ahead, and it's a great success. A few weeks later, the man comes back.
"Life is so much better without that darn stutter", says the man, "but my wife is not so happy. Can the operation be reversed?"
The doctor replied, "I'm v-v-v-very s-s-sorry, n-n-n-no. And besides, a d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."
(Jim Davison)
Doctor, "Stutter?"
"Y-y-y-yes," says the man.
"Get undressed, I need to examine you", says the doc. "My goodness, that's the biggest penis I've ever seen, and that's the problem. It's pulling on your vocal cords. We can replace it with a smaller penis, and you'll be fine."
So the operation goes ahead, and it's a great success. A few weeks later, the man comes back.
"Life is so much better without that darn stutter", says the man, "but my wife is not so happy. Can the operation be reversed?"
The doctor replied, "I'm v-v-v-very s-s-sorry, n-n-n-no. And besides, a d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."
(Jim Davison)
markfinn
Sire
Art value
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time."I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
“The guy was your doctor.”
BC
Colt
A man, out for a walk on a countryside lane, meets a young girl coming the other way.
"Pardon me, Miss, but what's a nice young lady like you doing walking with a cow?"
"I'm taking the cow to the bull", she replies.
"Couldn't your father do that?"
"Oh, no!" says the girl. "It has to be the bull."
(Stolen from Carry On Camping)
"Pardon me, Miss, but what's a nice young lady like you doing walking with a cow?"
"I'm taking the cow to the bull", she replies.
"Couldn't your father do that?"
"Oh, no!" says the girl. "It has to be the bull."
(Stolen from Carry On Camping)